• During the lesson, keep the focus on the characteristics of effective description. With the model sentences from the assignment you can see quickly who is having trouble and you can pull examples of effective description to use as examples. Also, you will be able to tell who needs help with similes and/or metaphors.
• Walk among the groups as they are analyzing the descriptive samples and listen to see that they are on task. If necessary, stop the group work to focus as a class on appropriate evidence of effective sensory details, transitions, voice, etc.

Focus Question: How can we use the writing process to develop a descriptive piece of writing?

Students will read the model sentences by their classmates, noticing whether all the elements of the sentence work together to create the same picture and commenting on which details they find particularly effective. They will also analyze sample descriptions, using the rubric that will be used to assess their own work. Then they will compose the first draft of their descriptions.

Collect your copy of the model sentence from students and, in small groups, have them read one another’s sentences. “Now you have the chance to see what your classmates wrote for this assignment. You will read the sentences of everyone in your group—be certain that you actually read each one, however—don’t just have someone read them aloud. Look at the sentence on the page and think about how it is crafted. After reading everyone’s, pick out the particular details you think really work and discuss why they appeal to you. Also, all students in the group should tell the others how they think the writer feels about the particular place being presented in the sentence.”

Give students 10 to 15 minutes to share their impressions about each group member’s sentence; then say, “Now you’ve had a chance to hear how other people think you feel about the place you’re presenting in your sentence. If their reaction wasn’t what you were expecting, you need to think about why. Also, you’ve been able to see some different approaches to the assignment and to think about what you liked. Now take the next five minutes to create another sentence of your own. Use the same sheet you wrote the first sentence on, and this time use the other sentence structure model. If you used Annie Dillard’s sentence structure for today’s assignment, use Thoreau’s structure now, or vice-versa. Don’t worry about finishing it completely in such a short time, but at least try to start it.”

Have students stop after five minutes and tell them again not to worry if they haven’t finished it yet. They have a start on another sentence that they might be able to use when they start their first draft or at least recognize that they can use a greater variety of sentence structures in their writing.

Next, have students discuss a model sentence that has details that do not fit together. For instance: “The lake was a mile long, narrow as a snake, a poised scimitar, blue as a Texas sky, ruffled, peaceful.” (Put this––or a similar one––on the board/screen.) They should notice that the details work against each other instead of with one another to create an effect.

Put students back in groups and give them the rubric that will be used to grade their descriptions. See the state scoring guidelines link in the Performance Assessment at the end of the unit, the Sample Rubric for Description Paper (L-C-1-3_Sample Rubric for Description Paper.doc), or your own rubric, and four sample descriptions that represent different levels of achievement (L-C-1-3_Sample Descriptions and Assessments.doc). Other samples may have been written by students or created by you.

Although it is most effective to use descriptions from your own students, you can refer to samples like those in Sample Descriptions and Assessments (L-C-1-3_Sample Descriptions and Assessments.doc). If using these, hand students only the descriptions themselves and not their assessments. The assessments may be used later.

Have students discuss the papers and tell which they would assign a top score and why. They should include specific evidence to support their opinions. Have one of the groups present its conclusions and discuss this as a class. Focus on the specific evidence used to illustrate each point of the rubric (e.g., identify specific examples of sensory details used to describe the place/examples of effective transitions). The assessments included in Sample Descriptions and Assessments (L-C-1-3_Sample Descriptions and Assessments.doc) could be used as part of the group and/or class discussion. Be certain that students realize that the purpose of this exercise is to think about the types of changes that need to be made in a description in order to strengthen it. Post the samples and the criteria used to evaluate them so that students can refer to them as they are working on their own descriptions.

Make the first draft assignment: Describe a place that has had an impact on you, using the descriptive details to reveal why it has had this effect on you. Develop the description with sensory details and include at least one metaphor and one simile. The length should be 250-400 words, and your audience will be your classmates as well as a wider group when your description is published on a class Web site or bulletin board, or in a literary magazine, newsletter, or class collection. (This should not be a one-night assignment. Be certain to give students at least two evenings, preferably three, to work on this draft.)

Note: The first draft should be read in groups by classmates and discussed so that students have the benefit of receiving audience reaction and of seeing the techniques used by other students. Remind students that the sample descriptions indicate some of the particular types of additions or revisions that need to be made in order to move a composition from one level of achievement to the next. This would take at least one additional class period and possibly more if you observe that the class as a whole needs additional work on areas such as focus, sensory details, and figurative language.

Extension:

• Students who may be going beyond the standards can employ exercises that use description to develop a fictional character in a scene of their own. They can use the Descriptive Writing Exercises by Jennifer Jensen (Suite 101, 2007), available at http://writingfiction.suite101.com/article.cfm/descriptive_writing_exercises.